dear Ms. Peirano,

, employed in a publishing house, find it extremely difficult to find a Partner. I am since 5 years Single and more or less in search of. At my work no suitable men, either they are much younger or forgiven. In the case of my interests, I learn to not know. I do Yoga (99% women), and am interested in goldsmiths, and have attended several training courses.

What frustrated me the most is that I feel old or so going to seen. The men my age are looking for a woman in early 40. As a woman in my mid-50 would be good for nothing. And the men looking for a woman my age, or are 15 years older. 70! I can’t imagine.

Anyway, I find the personals in magazines, even in reputable Newspapers like “The times”, demeaning and depressing. There are many women my age, the longing for closeness, love and a Partner at eye level. Even attractive, successful women to advertise many times, which means that they had no success. The men my age are looking for either a woman in her thirties to start a family. Or are you bound to a wife for SM, or home Meetings, without obligations. Online it is still dreary.

I have spoken to other women my age, and it is the Same everywhere. If you look normal, you have NO Chance.

I’m looking for nothing Special! I’m looking for just a sympathetic, about the same age man who is just normal and straightforward. So as I also. Is that asking too much?

two years Ago, I attended a dance course. Because it was exactly the Same. There are many couples came. The few free men were either a little strange and socially disturbed, or they have jumped on to the attractive, younger women. I had the feeling that you have danced with me compulsory dance, if you had to change the dance partner.

After all, I canceled really the nose full of the life partner. The men who would interest me, have no interest in me. It is also a social issue that men have when Dating the much better cards.

I wanted to get rid of, because it depressed me so. And of course, I hope that you have perhaps an idea how I can otherwise do.

Many greetings, Beate M.

dear Beate M.,

I can fully understand that you are disillusioned from the life partner and frustrated. You are far from the Only one who has these feelings! Many women are lonely, desperate and depressed about your involuntary Single life. You have the feeling to satisfy with all the female competition, and you have fear, to remain forever alone. A scary idea!

Dr. Julia Peirano: The secret Code of love

I work as a behavior therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese. In my PhD I have done research on the connection between the relationship of personality and the luck in love, and then two books about love written.

information about my therapeutic work, see

you Have questions, problems, or heartache? Please write to me (maximum of one DIN-A4 page).

It has increased in the last decades proven that men are looking for, on average, much younger women, as was previously the case. In the Generation of their parents, many of the marriages lasted longer, so that the women with mid-50 the search for a partner was spared. She had her husband, who was also in his mid-50s or older. It was co-old. Nowadays, the claims are increasing and everyone wants to offer the best possible Partner. And because of the loose morals, everyone can do what he wants without being socially sanctioned. So honor is for 50-year-old men today are not active, if you have a partner to the other, which could easily be their daughter. On the contrary, many men will be cheered, if you can decorate with an attractive, young female partner.

If you want to deal in-depth with social change (and for the women: deterioration) for the life partner, I recommend you two books. “Why love hurts” by the sociologist Eva Illouz, and “The school of wives” by Iris Radisch. But attention: The reading of scatters once again salt on their wounds!

Despite this, social development, it not only helps you but to generalize your experience too much. The discouraged and depressed. You prefer to understand that Even if many, on average, attractive women in my mid-50 it is difficult to find a peer, sympathetic Partner, so this must not apply for all women. You are looking for a single man, and the will to give it to.

If you are looking for something, it is important to have accurate ideas about it. In the case of Google you are looking for a “ladies sweater, size M, charcoal-grey, cotton mix, new, V-neck” rather than simply a “sweater”. Exactly, specifically, your expectations should be of a suitable man.

Perhaps you imagine the man in any way. Sure there is in your life-role models, from which a suitable man, “” can, for example, your brother, the husband of her best friend, colleagues… At the top should be that this man is seeking a woman with experience of life at eye level and YOU would like to have (and not significantly younger woman).

As a second point, you consider what are their own Strengths and advantages. How would you describe yourself, and what you bring to the relationship (e.g., humour, reliability, generosity, a loving nature, interest in the travel…)?

And third, it would be good to develop a clear Vision of the partnership and of common life. I noticed that you mainly have interests that are in a feminine Hand, and for the men, as a rule, are not particularly interested in (Dancing aside). You are looking for but, once again, to Hobbies, rituals, or activities in your life that you could share with a man (or, the above-outlined man). Because otherwise, the question is obvious: How do you want a man to learn and what do you want to create Connections with him?

A first point of reference: they are more of a Generalist than a specialist. Generalists are open to many things, like to go to the cinema, in Restaurants or in Theater, but they have neither a fanatical interests, nor are they set to certain things. Specialists, however, have a very heavily embossed life. You do not go in any movie, but, for example, in Asian martial arts films. You don’t listen to any Rock/Pop/classical, but with a certain style of music. You don’t go for a walk or like to go Hiking, but at times over 4,000 meters.

When you have outlined these points clear, will also be able to more clearly see where you have a Partner.

It is for the expert to be obvious, to find your Partner exactly where you are, namely in a lecture on astrophysics, and a glacier tour or a Baroque chamber concert. For you as a Generalist, it is not at all clear, but open. You can learn from this man of all places, where you feel comfortable. For example, on the Celebration of their favourite colleague, in your favorite bookstore, or at a cooking class in your ordinary restaurant. You can also help your fate a little, by appealing to men sent. In the wine Department of the supermarket you could ask a nice man to help with the wine selection, while Waiting for the Boarding at the Gate you could talk about the city in which you fly.

it is Very important that you feel without a Partner well and feel they have to have a full life. Then you will be attractive to men, because, Serenity, and happiness act as magnets. This works even on my cat: If I want to make sure that you come to me, and they curl and stare at, don’t think you dream of it to come near me. If I ignore you but and myself with something else, it takes two minutes, and she comes to me and demands my full attention (exactly what I wanted).

I wish you, that you can relaxed and with more enjoyment of life, and then find a man that can share with you your life.


Julia Peirano


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