dear Ms. Peirano,

I am writing here out of desperation and hope on a couple of small signs. I came in August, a man very close to it. The Drama begins here, as we are both married. That’s okay, I know. Unfortunately, I could not do anything against Cupid’s arrow company.

Meanwhile, the story takes me, more and more air to Breathe. His statements don’t match his actions, on the other hand, he invested a lot of. I don’t know anything anymore. He says himself that he knows where all this will lead. He feels it as a great happiness to have learned to know me.

It’s terrible, but I feel love for this man, and I wish almost that there will be a We.

I can’t tell whether or not he is a Player or a man with a lot of feeling, also in his Situation, trapped…

I Probably made the one or the other error, however, I would say, nothing Serious. No Geklammer and not emotional dependence. More and more distance between the beautiful moments.

I am now very desperate and would like to finish it, because the Situation may not remain so. The fear that I’ll miss him very much and I have heartache, and also the concern that it may not matter, stop me from doing it. And you don’t want anyone to leave, for the man has very much sense.

Maybe you can help me.


Jennifer F.

love Jennifer F.,

It sounds as if you have become entangled in a story that takes you completely caught up and give you the strength to live robbing, the sense obscured, and in your head, no clear thoughts. In my Situation from the outside, so to speak, from the plate edge, I missed a part of your history.

Dr. Julia Peirano: The secret Code of love

I work as a behavior therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese. In my PhD I have done research on the connection between the relationship of personality and the luck in love, and then two books about love written.

information about my therapeutic work, see

you Have questions, problems, or heartache? Please write to me (maximum of one DIN-A4 page).

I’ve been wondering the whole time: “What about Jennifer’s husband?” Your thoughts seem to revolve very much around their lovers, and the question is whether he represents an Alternative, if you want to spend the future with him. But what about your husband? The first and most important step would be that you check in, what is your relationship to your husband in the wrong location, so that you are having an affair openly and also your man can completely hide. Often the lovers reflects exactly what’s missing from the marriage. You have to search, for example, a particularly passionate lover if the Sex is asleep in the marriage. Or a caring, if your husband is absent. It would be important that you look at this point carefully. Because if the Problem is not solved, it is done with a partner exchange.

The second step is to consider whether you want to end your marriage and also in reality (finances, children, emotions, living situation, etc.) can really finish. Only if you can pronounce a sure Yes and also ready your man were to pour pure wine, you might think about whether you want to be alone or with your lover, want to see if a future together would be possible.

Because, imagine that your husband of your affair gets Wind of this (what happens in most cases) and then one of them separates. It is what you really want? Or would that be a disaster, which pulls away the ground from under the feet?

their affair seems from the outside looking in is not safe and viable. You notice it even in your uncertainty, in your feeling that the affair takes you to the air and to your question as to whether he is a Player. And you will notice it in their behaviour: they have made seem to always to pause for breath, and him being distant. Perhaps you might consider why that was necessary. Were you confused and disappointed? They were not confused, because his actions match up to his statements? You probably know it subconsciously, self: the beginning of a trusting, stable relationship looks very different and is associated with very different feelings. And let’s be honest: you Can a man truly trust, you Cheating met? This is not a reason to discard him as a Partner for your future?

J. Peirano: The secret Code of love The wife of my brother is destroying our family!

of Course, it may happen that two people fall in love are already married. However, the question is how to deal with his or her spouse (Is it honest? One gives the other a Chance to improve the marriage? Separating amicably or looking for solutions to open the relationship so that there are no secrets any more?). If someone is the spouse does not behave honestly and fairly, the Chance is great that he is doing the later with you. The Same works the other way too: give your lover also there is no evidence as to their trustworthiness. He sees the way they treat their man. And since they have distanced themselves also from time to time by her lover, may be originated also with him, the question is, how much he can rely on you as a partner for the future.

you will notice that I have a lot of questions and concerns, and I want to share with you. Your story sounds after a heated, passionate affair, but says, like the word, also already a lot of Suffering. They are together only four months, and already outweigh the negative feelings. This is a serious warning signal. It doesn’t sound like a love story, you can live in the future and gives you a sense of security and trust.

Therefore, my advice is: Pull the release cord. You finish the story and take it in purchase that you will grieve for a long time. It is perhaps similar to a drug withdrawal: very painful and exhausting, but incredibly important, so you have a better future. And ultimately it is unimportant, whether it is your lover, no matter if you separate from him. Much more important is your own well-being and that they are “clean” but be of thism poison. It is better to go now than later, before the story has robbed even more power.

All the best for you,

your Julia Peirano


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