dear Ms. Peirano,

I’m 33 and Single. Some time ago, I met with friends a sweet man who is a little shy. My friends have said that we have a lot in common (Yoga, Climbing, Surfing). He is a little older (45) and want the exact reasons, as I have a family.

We have us entertain at Brunch with friends and he drove me home, because I lived on his way. There were points of contact (e.g., to Yoga, go to a nice Sushi Restaurant visit). Now we are friends on Facebook and he has my number, but he does not respond. It’s now been four weeks that we met. I’m just thinking now, what can I do to see him again. I could report him and get him to climbing travel questions or ask him where he’s doing Yoga. But that is not to Intrusive? Or I could ask my friends if they can give me a hint where I can him, “run purely coincidental”.

My Friends, with whom I have discussed this, give me completely different advice. Some say that I should appeal to him, just because he is shy and perhaps doesn’t trust. You say that I would regret it if I didn’t try it. Other Friends say I should leave it alone, if he contacts you. But the times are not really past, in which only the man can be active?

What do you advise me?



love Mia H.,

I can well understand that you want to see that man, to recognize whether there could be a perspective with him. Much of it seems to vote Yes.

Dr. Julia Peirano: The secret Code of love

I work as a behavior therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese. In my PhD I have done research on the connection between the relationship of personality and the luck in love, and then two books about love written.

information about my therapeutic work, see

you Have questions, problems, or heartache? Please write to me (maximum of one DIN-A4 page). I would point out that a request and its answer may also be anonymised and on published.

Nevertheless, it is my experience that when you get to Know the Best part is, if the Initiative emanates from the man. I’m not telling you this because I’m old-fashioned and traditional images of the hanging. Personally, I am also met gorgeous men, I would like to have again, and I was angry about the fact that you can’t appear as a woman with a violin or mandolin on a full moon, under his window and give him a Serenade. But my own experience and the many observations of other couples have taught me that it is the woman bringing in the rule in a lot of Trouble and effort if you will in the first stage of learning to get to know active.

Even if I bring to some readers now, perhaps, with the comparison to the palm: But you can see the time in the animal Kingdom. It is usually always the male that makes special gestures or efforts to draw attention to attract the interest of a particularly attractive female.

take a Look at a Video, in which the collar of the bird of Paradise dance for his Chosen one and sings, a fan made of black feathers unfolded and the female dances around while he fixed her with fiery eyes. This is really impressive and funny!

Other birds invest a lot of time in the construction of an impressive and perfectly equipped nest, to signal to the females that they can offer you a lot of.

also Impressive is the male hooded seals that can spread from your nose out of the membranes to a huge red balloon, the front of the female, back and forth, to prove their manhood and Mating willingness.

For us humans to get to Know to is, of course, is usually something neat and subtle, but seems to be true: men have instinct of a hunting and want to win a woman. Enjoy it, if you need to strive to be a woman and the conquest is not easy. This means that If a man a woman like that, he will think of something to get to know you. He will see you her number, invite her to a Drink or to eat, something Beautiful think to watch it again. The woman can, and should, wait with your Initiative. This is not to say that she asks him for the phone number, not the first to report, no Meeting is proposing and also not the Initiative to Kiss or to have Sex should take if it is serious with him. You should not insist, if he logs on, but quietly, their conclusions. Of course, you can show your more passive role to the man that you are interested by smiling at him, after a Meeting says that you enjoyed it, and turned and charming with him.

J. Peirano: The secret Code of love I am 28 years old and I still live with my parents

I emphasize again, that even in 2019 in Western Europe, not my Ideal, and the desire of many women is that the choice of partners in accordance with this role (man = hunter, woman = prey) expires. But it speaks a lot to adhere to these rules.

If a man seeks a woman (as, unfortunately, the man you have in mind), then this can be due to many reasons. Either the woman is not his type. The woman can make so much of him and perhaps be with him. Subliminally, the man has decided but never fully for you and you could leave as soon as a woman crosses his path, is his type. And in the meantime, his partner will always feel that you need to strive to keep him. In my circle of friends, a Couple that is so. They’ve been together for 25 years, but there is hardly caresses and compliments between them. The woman has become as a practical and capable partner is essential, but you can feel that he gives to her willingly, no caresses. On the man-woman level, it is simply not true between the two.

another explanation: The man will not take the Initiative, because he is free. This may be due to another woman in his life or a complicated Situation in his Job…. Whatever it is, he is not free. Ultimately, the woman would ausbad also in a relationship with him s, because he would then be during the relationship torn and not really fully able to get involved with.

Maybe he has an attachment disorder and is afraid to engage with it. If the woman is pushing for a Meeting, he gets scared and pulls back, after some radio silence but back to you, but then again, if it is him dangerous… And so on, and so forth. This is for the woman to be very unnerving.

Or the man is, in principle, hesitant, passive and comfortable. Then it is for him, perhaps, pleasant, if the woman runs to him, showers him, him and him sexually spoiled. But in the end, he will probably no big steps to bring the relationship to move forward. He’s not going to look for an apartment, feel free to get a child, and her desire for marriage, so long ignored, until it is exhausted. Often you can get in such a relationship from the woman to hear that her man is behaving like her son.

so, If the man does not take the Initiative, you can save yourself a lot of suffering, frustration and waiting, by giving up him and find someone who can really excite you right from the start and also use. And mostly it is not already in the initial phase, when something is wrong. Exactly these difficulties (“he reports, and this time he lets me fidget”, “he still hangs on to his Ex-girlfriend”, “he doesn’t flirt with other”, “he is seeking me”), then the Pair all the time and are difficult to dissolve.

you can, if it soothes you and helps you once again with the friends talk about you know this man have learned. Might be able to tell you discreetly what moves this man. If you want to go a step further, you could go for example with your girlfriend, together, a yoga class, in which the man’s or him and his friends on the way, if this can be sent to thread. But if he remains consistently on the Ball, you can save yourself a lot of Trouble if you give up on him. This was the last Chance for him!

Actually, Dating is very easy and natural. The man shows interest, it remains on the Ball, and plans always at the correct distance from the next step. The woman encouraged him, enjoys the Meetings and makes him totally relaxed.

I hope that you can soon make a man like you, this affirming experience!

Warm regards, Julia Peirano


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